I have spent a lot of time listening to Asa's unstoppable monologues, which are always very entertaining, except for the fact he doesn't set out to entertain anyone. Not even himself. Makes me wonder how much funny material is floating around in his head.
On this occasion, Asa has the wonderful new job of phoning a long list of people up and chasing them for money. He's new to this job. His old one was to feed the people who came into Louis. And he was given this new one because he could in his own unledger-like way, methodically keep extremely detailed historical records of what went in and out of his kitchen.
I can see the logic in the transference of skills - how he will be just as good in keeping track of these people until they paid. My personal opinion is that someone with previous experience in breaking knuckles will be a lot more effective. It's a difference in strategy : insistence vs persistence. But these are customers as much as they are debtors and we need a gentle but firm approach, I am told.
And so he tries everything to put deep fear over the other end - the policeman voice, the big words but the story over the phone is always the same...can you send a statement?....he's not here at the moment, can you call back Thursday afternoon?..etc...etc. It takes no guessing everyone plays dumb, is an ass or is simply a dumb ass. If there was a job devoid of joy, success or humour, this is one of them.
And then from across the desk and in all seriousness, I hear this, which sent Phil cracking and me in tears :
I know what I need to get. I need a noticeboard with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday on it so when I get in and I'll know I spoke to Little Dick on Monday, need to call No Dick on Tuesday, send a statement to Dave with 3 Dicks, make Double Dick squeal on Friday.
I am sorry to not be there the day Asa's patience runs out with these people and he defaults to his initial Al Capone "Fuck you, pay me" tactic. Not sorry because it means he has cracked. Sorry because I will miss another incredibly funny moment.
